Megan's Monday Motivation
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Monday, 9/20/21: Talking about a new mindset around being single and reading at night

Happy Monday!

It’s a new week, which means it’s time for your next Monday motivation newsletter. Read on below for some steps to a happier Monday, a short story and a roundup of positive thoughts to get your week started.

Three Steps to a Happier Monday

Each newsletter starts with three prompts to inspire gratitude and simple intention setting. Take a moment and jot down answers to these three questions. To give an example, I share my answers below.  

Step 1: What are three things I appreciated from the weekend? 

Step 2: What is one thing I can be excited about today?

Step 3: What is my intention for this week? 

GRATITUDE: From my weekend, I am thankful for a having the day off work Friday, going to Notre Dame football game with friends (so fun!!) and a delicious Sunday dinner with co-workers turned friends. 

TODAY: I’m most excited about the iced coffee I’m treating myself to this morning. Have a Monday full of meetings, so I’m fueling up!

INTENTION: I’m headed to Florida at the end of this week to see family and friends, so my intention is to be focused and work hard in the beginning of this week, so I can fully enjoy and be present this weekend. 🙂 

Okay, your turn! And if you want to share your three steps, I am all ears. 🙂

Meaningful Musings: Making Things Happen and Enjoying Letting Things Fall Into Place 

The other week, I went downtown to meet some friends for a Friday night dinner. Rather than pay for a surcharged Uber, I hopped on the bus and indulged myself in the peaceful experience of looking out the window and appreciating the scenes from what used to be my daily commute pre-COVID (yes, it was a very “main character” moment). Knowing the bus route would get me to my destination, I sat back and enjoyed the ride.  

As I jumped off the bus and walked to the restaurant, I thought about how the whole experience could’ve been different. Instead of enjoying and marveling in the things around me, I could’ve instead focused on how long the ride was taking. In this scenario, I probably would’ve been sitting uptight with a strained neck, trying to make sure we were headed in the right direction and avoiding any pitfalls like traffic, potholes or dead ends. I would’ve still ended up where I was going, but I would’ve arrived stressed and grumpy, unaware of the delightful experience I missed out on.

The difference between these two approaches is something I’ve been thinking about lately, and especially thinking about in terms of how I navigate being single. 

Have you ever heard of something called “arrival fallacy?” (If you haven’t, I loved this article by The Atlantic’s Arthur Brooks on it.) Arrival fallacy is a term given to the illusion that once we make it to a certain goal or reach a certain destination, we will be happy. Said another way, it’s thinking “I’ll be happy when…” 

“I’ll be happy when…” is a phrase we’ve probably all said to ourselves from time to time. And to be fair, I don’t think it’s all bad. The thinking can be a powerful tool to keep us hopeful in spite of negative experiences. But overall, the act of putting happiness on hold until a later date is something that can leave us disappointed again and again. 

In this fascinating article, author and designer Ingrid Fetell Lee writes about breaking the habit of saying “I’ll be happy when…” in order to find more joy. As she writes, “every time we say to ourselves ‘I’ll be happy when…’ what we’re really saying is ‘I can’t be happy now.’” Um, wow. 

The idea of arrival fallacy can be applied to so many circumstances – waiting for a new job, a new living arrangement, the weekend – but in my life, where I feel it creep in most is when I think about my relationship status… or lack thereof.

I’ve been wanting to write about this idea for a while, but I’m always hesitant to write about navigating being single because, to be honest, I feel like I don’t have it all figured “out.” But on the flip side, one of my favorite things about writing this newsletter is that it encapsulates a moment in time as I share what’s working for me right now. 

And what’s working for me right now is breaking the habit of thinking “I’ll be happy when…” and instead replacing the thought with the question of “How will I wish I used this time?” 

I imagine in the distant future, when I am *hopefully* in the throes of children and family life, I’ll think back longingly on this time and remember my long Sunday walks along the Chicago lakefront, eating dinner at a restaurant’s bar with an amazing, book, spontaneous escapades with friends, and lazy Saturday mornings in bed with mindless magazines and coffee. What I know for certain is that I won’t want to look back and think about all the time I spent worrying, plotting and yearning for things to fall into place. 

Sometimes I get myself confused. I like working hard to make things happen. But I also know there are some things I can’t make happen. I have to let some things happen.

Like the bus ride for example (love an analogy). Once I was on the bus, I had to let the rest of the trip happen. I wasn’t driving the bus. I didn’t have control over things like traffic or roadblocks.

But what I did have control over is an ability to nudge myself in the right direction (had to gather bus fare and actually get on the bus) and to focus on my perspective (enjoying looking out the window and seeing how the ride unfolded). 

There are two quotes that come to mind when I think about this. The first is a well-known one from Eleanor Roosevelt, which reads, “Today is the oldest you’ve ever been, and the youngest you’ll ever be again.” And the second is from Henri J.M. Nouwen. That one reads, “Joy does not simply happen to us. We have to choose joy and keep choosing it every day.”

These quotes remind me that my hopes and dreams for the future are so special, but today – yes, a Monday – is also special. Today is a chance to nudge myself in the general direction I want to go, and then sit back and find enjoyment in seeing how things fall into place. How exciting! I know things won’t unfold perfectly or according to my schedule (I’m sure there’s plenty of those of potholes, traffic jams and dead ends in my future), but that doesn’t mean I can’t indulge myself in creating some joyful moments to experience now.

What do you think? How would you create a joyful moment right now? 

Happy Monday, friends. Here’s to creating some joy in our Mondays and using our time today in a way that we’ll be glad for in the future.

On My Monday Radar

Sometimes we just aren’t ready to jump into our Monday to-do list right away. In case you want some content to procrastinate with, here is a roundup of a few positive things on my radar:  

That’s all for today! I hope you found something in today’s newsletter that sparked motivation, made you smile or inspired a positive Monday thought. Don’t underestimate the power of starting small… a fulfilling week starts with just one fulfilling day. You’ve got this! 

Let’s make it a great Monday!
Megan

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