Two Sides of the Same Coin

This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 7/18/22.

I’m currently working on some interesting projects at work that involve interviewing employees and leaders about their experiences at their companies. What’s going well? What would they change? What’s important to them?

In one of the focus groups, the participants were all agreeing on something they didn’t like about their organization. My co-worker who was moderating the group validated their thoughts and then said something that was – in my opinion – really insightful.

“But what about the idea of ‘two sides of the same coin?’”

“I hear you that [the characteristic] is frustrating. But what’s the flipside? Is there anything beneficial about [this characteristic]?”

Let me tell you: something magical happened with this reframe.

To demonstrate, let’s imagine the common complaint had to do with the abundance of processes to follow. When prompted to think about the flipside of working at a place with a lot of processes, one could identify that processes also help with saving time (you don’t always need to reinvent the wheel), onboarding of new team members, and ensuring consistent quality. It doesn’t mean processes can’t also stifle innovation or enthusiasm or critical thinking in some cases. But the negative parts are only one side of the coin.

The question helped to expand perspectives and refocus attention on other aspects. Aspects that were not inherently obvious when focused on only one side. 

Someone who I think does this “two sides of the same coin” idea really well is health psychologist and author Kelly McGonigal.

As a health psychologist, McGonigal used to tell people to avoid stress at all costs. Then, she came across a shocking study. 

In the study, nearly 30,000 US adults were asked about the amount of stress they’d experienced and whether they believed it was harmful to their health. Researchers found that high levels of stress did increase the risk of dying (by 43%), but only among the people who thought stress was very harmful. Those who reported experiencing stress but didn’t believe it was harmful had a lower risk of death than anyone. This lead McGonigal down a path of rethinking her take on stress, doing more research and digging into conversations that would ultimately turn into the book The Upside of Stress, in which she stresses (like what I did there?) the idea that stress is not always the villain, but in fact, can be a valuable resource.

As she writes in this article:

“Broadly defined, stress is what arises when something we care about is at stake. When people report the biggest sources of stress in their lives, topping the list are work, parenting, relationships, and health—the things that matter most. But stress can be an asset in all these areas. It can help us focus to meet a challenge. It can encourage us to reach out to others for support. Some psychologists argue that our body’s stress response exists because it helps us learn from our experiences. This may explain how stressful situations can ultimately make us stronger and smarter.”

Stress as an asset?! I know it sounds backwards. But her POV is not to ignore stress, rather, it’s to expand the way we think about it. Instead of only interpreting stress as a signal that something is wrong, what if we also thought about how feeling stressed communicates to us that something we care about is at stake? Or signals that our bodies are energized and prepared to meet the challenge in front of us? Thinking about the other side of the coin when it comes to stress may impact how we respond and the experience we have it. 

I think this idea – two sides of the same coin – can help us reframe situations and not just take things at face value. Of course, this shouldn’t stop us from addressing or dealing with the negative, but when we are hardwired to be on alert for just that, sometimes we need a little push to look for the positive side of the coin. Almost nothing is all good or all bad (barring a few exceptions).

I’ve had this idea on a loop in my mind the past couple of weeks and it’s helped me stay openminded when faced with minor frustrations and bumps. When I thought “Ugh, it’s raining!” recently, I also pushed myself to identify that the rainy conditions = a good opportunity to rest and lay low. Or when I found out an appointment would be starting 30 minutes late (after I had already arrived a few minutes early), I expressed gratitude that it happened on a day that I brought a book and built in some buffer time. And at work the other day when I felt intimated by a certain part of a project, I thought, “Now I know this is a stretch area for me. I’m learning a ton and eventually I’ll feel much more comfortable with this.” 

Of course, there’s always going to be situations when the negative side of the coin outweighs the positive (and vice versa!), but for many things, I think we could benefit from pushing ourselves to consider both sides. 

What do you think? Do you think you would benefit from considering the other side of the coin in certain situations? 

Hope this helps you this week like it’s helped me :). Have a great Monday!

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