Three Steps to Identify Your Goal
This essay first appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 11/25/19.
What did you think of the story from last week about how your goal makes you feel? Did it resonate with you? Give you that goosebump reaction I described?
Or… did anyone else panic a bit at first question (What’s one goal you want to achieve)? Did you think to yourself, I honestly have no idea?
Because I’ve thought that before too! Setting personal goals can be really daunting, right? I get why we set goals in a professional setting. But in my personal life? Where would I even start? I’m overwhelmed just thinking about it.
Then, I read a book. It was called The Defining Decade: Why Your Twenties Matter–And How to Make the Most of Them Now by Meg Jay (more on this book later). And this excerpt changed the game for me:
“How do you get the happy ending? John Irving ought to know. One of my favorite authors, Irving writes these multigenerational epics of fiction that somehow work out in the end. How does he do it? He says, ‘I always begin with the last sentence; then I work my way backwards, through the plot, to where the story should begin.’ That sounds like a lot of work, especially compared to the fantasy that great writers sit down and just go where the story takes them. Irving lets us know that good stories and happy endings are more intentional than that.
Most twentysomethings can’t write the last sentence of their lives. But when pressed, they usually can identify things they want in their 30s or 40s or 60s -or things they don’t want- and work backward from there. This is how you have your own multigenerational epic with a happy ending. This is how you live your life in real time.” ― Meg Jay
To me, this means goals are important because goals provide us with the roads to our happy endings.
Without some idea of a happy ending, goals are daunting, overwhelming and scary. There are SO many roads (goals) that we can choose from. It’s easy to give up and suffer from a case of decision paralysis. We decide to instead just wander aimlessly.
To prevent those feelings, we need to start by defining your happy ending.
But how?
Try the last chapter method. Act as the author of your life and write your last chapter. Your “happy ending.” Retired from a successful career in a certain industry? Married with kids and grandkids? What comes to mind?
Or, ask yourself the million-dollar question. If you were given one million dollars tomorrow, what would you do with it? What are those aspirational ideas you would go after if there wasn’t anything holding you back (travel, starting that nonprofit, being free from debt)?
Now, reverse engineer and work backward. Think about the different roads to get you there.
How are we feeling? A bit more clarity? Not so scared of a “what’s one goal you want to achieve” question?
That’s how I felt too. But then I struggled again. I knew what roads I wanted to travel on, but they looked soooo long. I didn’t know how to take that first step.
So, I niched down even more. I figured out simple habits I could adopt that would move me along the road.
Habits are the cars we drive on the road to our happy ending.
I kept the habits super simple so that I could actually keep up with them. For example, part of my happy ending includes being in good health to keep up with all the things in my life. One of the roads to good health is drinking enough water. A habit I could adopt to help me travel on this road is filling up a big water bottle before bed. When I wake up in the morning, chugging the water is the first thing I do. It’s so simple that it’s silly. But I have kept up with this habit every single day this year.
The simplicity is not the only reason I’ve kept the habit. I’ve also stuck with it because it is grounded in intention.
With this thinking (happy ending, goals, habits), even a routine day with mundane tasks can be FILLED with meaning. I’m not just filling up a water bottle. I am working toward my healthiest self. It reminds me of a quote I heard (originally said by Annie Dillard): “The way you live your days is the way you live your life.”
Think about a marathon runner. If you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn’t just wait for a starting line to show up and hope that you would be able to run the 26.2 miles. No, you sign up for the race and then work backwards and implement habits. Do you ever wonder why people training for marathons are motivated to start with those first runs only consisting of a few miles? And keep up with the training runs, cross training and nutrition adjustments (all habits)? Because they are grounded in intention. they have their happy ending in mind, they’ve identified the path to get there and adopted habits to move them along. And you can too.
I know this is a lot for a Monday morning, but I hope it helps calm some of the overwhelm around goal setting. I especially wanted to share this today because most of us are heading into a holiday week with some pockets of time that we don’t normally have. Maybe you will use that day off work or in-flight time to dream about your happy ending, work backward to identify the roads and think about the cars that will help you travel in 2020.
I thought specific examples may help to demonstrate. So, I created this PDF that you can print and use on your own time. The PDF includes prompts and examples to help with reflecting, dreaming and planning. And if you have questions, or tips you want to share, I am always an email or Instagram DM away.
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