“They Can Handle It”
This essay initially appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 8/7/23.
Recently, I was listening to a podcast episode and heard something interesting. At around the 5:20 minute-mark in the episode, the host talks about something she learned from her therapist. In regards to overthinking certain situations – teetering on the borderline of people pleasing – the host’s therapist told her to remind herself, “they can cope.”
They can cope.
At first, the idea didn’t resonate much with me. I think it was something about the harshness of the word ‘cope’ that deterred me (we can analyze that later).
I wasn’t even aware the idea was still floating around in my head until I was at a brunch last weekend.
I had made reservations at my favorite restaurant, and Matt & I were meeting up with some of his friends who were in town. There were five of us altogether, and when we got to our table, we noticed it was a fairly small booth. A booth that would be perfect for three or four people, but a little tight for five.
We laughed about it briefly, squeezed in, and said we would make it work. No problem! (And we did make it work just fine.)
Yet, my mind started to go into overdrive, worrying that it was too tight or uncomfortable. I got so in my head that when the person to the left turned to say something to me, I couldn’t even concreate on what was being said.
The “they can cope” phrase popped into my head, and I adapted it for myself.
Megan, I thought. They can handle it. You’re handling it and you’re fine. They can handle it.
There was something about this mantra – they can handle it – that helped me get out of my head and back into the present moment. I was able to focus on the conversation, the people, and have a great time.
The next day, I found myself thinking of it again.
I was checking out at a cute stationary store. When asked if I wanted a receipt, I instinctively said no – and then backtracked – I actually did want a receipt, sorry.
The cashier said it would be no problem, she just had to figure out how to reverse it. As the minutes ticked by and she clicked away trying different thing, I started to feel awkward. Did I really need a receipt? Yes, I wanted to have the option to make a return if needed. But I felt awkward for taking up the cashier’s time and started to worry that a line might form behind me.
Instead of continuing to fret, I took a breath and repeated to myself, “she can handle it.”
Again, the mantra got me out of my overthinking loop and back into the moment, where I was able to patiently wait. Ultimately, when the cashier wasn’t able to go back and print me a receipt – but told me to just drop in if I needed to return it – I genuinely thanked her for trying.
In the grand scheme of things, both these examples are quite small – and even a little silly.
It’s embarrassing to admit how much I can get in my head sometimes about little interactions. But I do. And when I get stuck in my mind, I’m pulled out of the present moment – pulled out of experiencing it and out of acting in the way I want to.
“They can handle it” – Never to be used to justify something unfair or cruel, but to put a stop to nonsensical worry loops? I think it works.
I hope if you find yourself overthinking something similarly silly today, the phrase “they can handle it” helps you too… to get out of your head and back into the moment.