The Pebble in Your Shoe

This post originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 2/28/22.

Long ago, I heard an analogy that resonated with me:

Imagine it’s the end of your Monday and you walk into the kitchen to get some water. It’s been a good day. You slept well, the sun was out, and things went according to plan at work. You open a cabinet and the glass you were going to grab falls onto the floor and shatters. You shrug and go get the broom to clean it up. It was a cheap glass anyway and you have plenty of others, no big deal.

Now, imagine the same situation, but your Monday has been filled with stressors. Maybe you didn’t sleep well or got stuck in traffic or had a workday filled with fire drills or just had an aggravating encounter with someone. You go into the kitchen to get some water. When you open the cabinet and the glass falls and shatters, you burst into tears, upset about the cheap glass and confident this day could not get any worse.

Same situation, different reactions.

When I heard this analogy, I could instantly think of times when I’ve gotten upset over a cheap broken glass. Not in the literal sense of an actual broken glass, but in the sense of something small being the last straw. The impetus that pushes me over the edge.

This analogy helped me to see those situations in a new light. I wasn’t overreacting to something small, but rather reflecting the culmination of stressors built up inside me. If only I could back in time and apologize to the people who were unfortunately on the receiving end of my last-straw moment or help myself understand that instead of wasting energy upset about the broken cheap glass, I should instead take a step back to look at what other stressors contributed to this moment.

As Maya Angelou famously wrote, “Do the best you can until you know better. Then when you know better, do better.”

I can’t go back to past moments, but I can apply this knowledge moving forward. And recently, I’ve felt proud of myself because I feel like I have. 

I wanted to share this analogy this morning because I’ve been thinking about it often these past couple weeks. I’m in the midst of a stressful, time-intensive project at work. I’m learning a ton and getting to work with some incredible people, but the days are taxing. More than once, I’ve teetered close to upset-over-broken-glass territory. And more than once, I’ve crossed the threshold. But – in my opinion – considerably less than other stressful times in the past.

The difference? I think I’m being more mindful of the smaller stressors I encounter and finding ways to alleviate them.

I recently checked this book out of the library after hearing the author, Dr. Samantha Boardman, interviewed in this podcast episode.

In the first chapter she writes, “the hassles of day-to-day living – the annoying, anxiety-provoking and frustrating experiences that are embedded into everyday life – are a significant source of stress. Seemingly minor occurrences – an argument with a child or partner, an unexpected work deadline, arriving late for an appointment, missing a train, or dealing with a malfunctioning computer – all contribute.”

She goes on, “We know it’s absurd to allow something minor to ruin a minute, let alone a day. We try to dismiss these daily irritations as irrelevant or as the ‘first-world problems’ they are. We tell ourselves that they don’t matter I the long run. But they do.”  

As Muhammed Ali once said, “It isn’t the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it’s the pebble in your shoe.”

Especially at a time when there are really harrowing events happening in our world – like what’s happening in Ukraine – things like a cheap broken glass or pebbles feel small and minute. I mean, they are quite small in comparison to virulent life events. But I don’t think that means they are insignificant.

What the analogy helped me understand is that a day filled with pebbles and broken glasses can trigger a downward spiral, making us more irritable and argumentative and reactionary. And while there’s a lot out of our control, there are some pebbles and broken glasses we can control.

I think a great place to start is with today, your Monday. As you go throughout your day, try to make a list of things that frustrate you. Not everything will be an easy solve, but things like a messy workspace, a jammed drawer, an everyday object that’s out of reach feel like things that could be alleviated, potentially saving you from downward spiral and conserving your energy for the bigger things that need your attention and tenacity.

I think a lot of the times we put off making any kind of improvements because we think a grandiose, expensive or time-consuming endeavor is required. But maybe in this thought process we are overlooking the possibility of the improvements that could come from fewer pebbles and broken glasses.

The reality is that there’s always going to be pebbles and broken glass woven throughout our days, but here’s to hopefully finding ways to have fewer of them – and as a result fewer downward spirals – in our Mondays to come.

Want to receive a note like this to your inbox every Monday at 6 AM EST? Sign up here! If you don’t receive the email, please check your spam or junk folder. 

Have feedback, thoughts or a question you want addressed in an upcoming newsletter? Drop an anonymous note to my mailbox here!