How I’m Approaching Wedding Planning (So Far!)
This essay initially appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 7/22/24.
One of the reasons I love writing this newsletter is that it is reflects life as it is right now.
I realized the other day that I haven’t written about something that is a big focus and theme of my life right now… wedding planning! So, I’ve decided to dedicate this week’s and next week’s newsletter to wedding-related reflections.
It feels like a good time to reflect. We’ve been wedding planning for almost 8 months (we got engaged over Thanksgiving last year) and have under six months to go until the big day! We’ll be getting married on January 3, 2025, in my hometown of Orlando.
I feel like I have enough experience under my belt at this point to give a comprehensive update on how wedding planning is going and how we are approaching it.
I also think it would be fun to do another update like this closer to the wedding as I am sure some of my approaches will change and evolve as Jan. 3 draws near.
And while the below thoughts come from a wedding planning context, I think there are ideas and concepts that can be applied to a variety of things. You never know when inspiration will strike for something that – on paper – seems unconnected!
Overall, there are five key things that I think have made a difference in my wedding planning experience:
- Challenging the mainstream narrative
- Defining a purpose
- Breaking things down
- Batching decisions
- Remembering marriage > wedding
Challenging the mainstream narrative
As one female adult, I’ve been served my fair share of wedding rhetoric. From how a wedding is supposed to be the best day of my entire life to the fact that I am supposed to look the best I ever will to how stressful the wedding planning process will be (if you aren’t crying-too anxious to eat-hair falling out-stressed, you’re doing something wrong), it’s a lot.
After Matt and I got engaged, I was more susceptible to these horror stories.
I remember lying awake one night a few days after we got engaged worried about all the inevitable stress that would come in the next year. How would I make it through?
Make it through? Did I really just want to ‘make it through’ this time in my life?
No. I did not.
That night, I decided I would challenge the mainstream narrative. There were so many things I was EXCITED about when it came to the wedding planning process – the opportunity to get closer with Matt and his family, the chance to work on something alongside my parents, something meaningful to commit myself to outside of work. I didn’t want to just “get through” all of that!
Now, don’t get me wrong – planning a wedding is stressful. As Meg Keene, author of A Practical Wedding, so aptly writes, “The process of negotiating things like faith, money, family, tradition all in a very public way would be difficult under the best of circumstances.”
But, ever since that night, I made the decision to challenge the narrative I’d been fed. I recognize there will be stressful and hard moments, but I also want to enjoy the season I’m in and the special elements of wedding planning I’m looking forward to.
Writing it all out, I realize it is kind of similar to my take on Monday’s 
. Why do Monday’s have to be the worst day? Why not a celebrated fresh start of a new week?
Perspective is everything 
Defining a purpose
I knew from reading The Art of Gathering by Priya Parker that each event should have an “undisputable purpose,” or a crystal reason for why you are gathering.
One of the first conversations Matt and I had about our wedding was around what the purpose of our wedding. I mean, why spend all this time and money?
Through some prodding, we concluded that the reason we wanted to have a wedding in the first place was because of the chance to have our extended families together, meeting, mixing, mingling and bearing witness to our commitment, together.
We both live apart from our families (Matt a little closer distance-wise to his; mine a bit further and more scattered), so it feels special that so many people we don’t see on a day-to-day basis together in one room. I mean, when else in my lifetime (seriously!), will all these people be gathered together?!
The great thing about an undisputable purpose is that it becomes a decision filter. From the beginning, our purpose is what’s guided our decisions. Our decision to get married on a Friday to hopefully capitalize on days off around New Year’s while also leaving the weekend open for people to travel home at a day and time that works best for them and/or have time for Orlando attractions. Our reception venue selected because we’d loved it and it has easy access to a couple of hotel options. And when it came to narrowing down the guest list – which has admittedly been the hardest part of the entire wedding planning process so far – we used that purpose as our guide, knowing we wanted to stick to a number small enough that we could be able to talk and connect with everyone who attends.
When the decisions get hard or stressful, I just keep coming back to the scene of our extended families together. And while it doesn’t completely diminish the challenges, it does help to guide the next step.
Breaking things down
When Matt and I got engaged, my future mother-in-law, Cindi, gifted me with maybe the best wedding planning gift of all time: The Knot Ultimate Wedding Planner and Organizer.
It’s chock-full with resources, but what I found most helpful is the detailed timelines that break down activities by month (12 months out from wedding day, 8 months out, etc.).
I took their suggestions, added in some my own, and created a comprehensive spreadsheet that broke down our wedding planning into phases.
By the way – in case you’re curious, we’re currently in Phase 3 (6-8 months out, May-July), out of eight total phases
This has been SO helpful as it focuses me on what I need to be doing now vs. what I need to be doing a few months from now.
Batching decisions
Once I knew what I needed to be doing at any given month, I knew I needed a system for getting the things done.
One thing I know about myself is that once I’m invested in something, I have a hard time turning “off.”
Wedding planning has been no different – if left to my own devices, I will find an opportunity to turn any free moment into an opportunity to plot, plan, question, debate something wedding-related. If look hard enough, there is always a decision to make (or second guess).
I knew I didn’t want to get to January 2025 so burned out on wedding planning that I would prohibit myself from enjoying the very thing I’d been working toward – the day itself!
So, a few weeks into wedding planning, I decided I would concentrate all wedding “work” and decisions to one day. And because of my love for alliteration, naturally, it had to be Wednesdays.
Wedding Wednesdays have been one of my wedding planning saving graces. Every Wednesday after work, I work on the wedding. It’s as simple as that. I make decisions, I make progress, I talk to my mom and Matt about wedding-related things.
Inspired by Wedding Wednesdays, throughout the wedding planning process, I’ve looked for other opportunities to batch decisions. For example, we looked at possible reception venues over the course of two days – appointments stacked back-to-back. When I was home in Orlando for a week in May, I declared it a “wedding planning offsite” with my parents and picked a topic for each night for the three of us to focus on, discuss and make decisions.
Not only has batching decisions made all the difference inwhat we’ve been able to accomplish, but also in terms of overall experience.
Remembering marriage > wedding
This last one feels connected to the first tip around challenging the narrative. But, in particular, this topic is something I attribute to our Pre-Cana experience – an experience that really exceeded both Matt’s and my expectations.
Beyond our indisputable purpose, beyond challenging the mainstream narrative, what I try to keep the focus and to remind myself whenever things feel stressful or hard, is to remind myself that the goal is marriage, not a perfect wedding.
It takes the pressure off!
I know our wedding will be fabulous and so meaningful and special. But at the end of the day, the day will come and go. What will remain is our decision to commit to each other and enter into a marriage. And that is something special <3
That’s all I have for now! What do you think? What advice would you add to the list?