Five Things You Could Do Today To Be a Better Friend
This essay first appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 11/11/20.
This weekend was my mom’s annual “girls weekend.” Her and her five friends from grade school have been getting together once a year, every year for the past 25 years.
The idea is very simple. A weekend is selected months in advance, a location is determined and flights are booked. Significant others, kids and work all know the weekend is coming. I’m embarrassed to admit, but I can remember younger versions of my brothers and myself trying to guilt our mom the days leading up to the trip (sorry about this, Mom!!). Without fail, my mom would calmly respond “you know there’s no complaining and no tears allowed about girls weekend!” And so, it was ingrained in us. This tradition would happen every year and these 72 hours were one of our mom’s top priorities. We would be absolutely fine without mom for this short time and, what I know now, is that everyone would be better off because of this weekend.
I love hearing about the fun they have, the trouble they get into and what everyone is up to. But my favorite part is the happy, relaxed and centered version of my mom who emerges from the weekend.
We’ve heard the airplane oxygen mask analogy many times (put on your mask first before helping others) and because of this weekend, I’ve seen how my mom is uplifted and inspired after making time to reconnect with her best friends. Thank you mom and girls weekend crew for teaching that investing in lifelong friendships is a form of self-care!
This week I spent time reflecting on why trips with best friends are so special. What I realized is that for me, getting out of my day-to-day routine/responsibilities frees up extra mental space and energy. This extra space and energy is re-allocated to focusing on the friends right in front of me. I’m less distracted and less hurried. I am able to intentionally celebrate where my friends are thriving and listen more closely about the different things people are dealing with. The extra space/energy coupled with being around people I trust also provides the platform to process some things I might have not been able to work through yet on my own.
Beyond the benefit of connecting, trips provide the opportunity to create heart-warming memories that stay with you long past the weekend.
For example, I’ve started the tradition of an annual getaway with two of my best friends from college. On our first trip, one person requesting we stay at a restaurant for just “one more glass of wine” lead to a heartfelt conversation that was a cornerstone of the trip. Now even when we aren’t together, we will let each other know when we need to have a “one more glass of wine” conversation as a signal that to pick up the phone and connect without distractions.
A lighter memory that has stood the test of time for over six years involves a spontaneous road trip to Tuscaloosa, Alabama in college. On the trip, three of my closest college friends and I witnessed how much fun Alabama students had when singing “Dixieland Delight.” We took it upon ourselves to remaster the lyrics and create our own version that we could bring it back to our school (yes, we are that cool). Without fail, we still sing the song whenever we are reunited today… including a grand performance at one’s wedding this past September.
I love the fun memories getaways provide. Take a second and think about some of your favorite moments from trips with friends. If you haven’t answered the prompts above, reflecting and look at old photos on your lunch break could be the thing you are most excited about today. 😊
Trips are amazing, but if you are like me with friends scattered throughout the country, they don’t happen often. So, how do you make sure to maintain those friendships in between the trips? Easy. Be the friend you want to have.
Wish your friend called you more to catch up? Start giving them a call. Wish your friends sent random thinking-of-you cards? Send a few and I’m sure your friends will follow suit. Wish your friends had the tradition of going away once a year? Text a few and propose the idea of picking a weekend sometime in 2020.
In fact, I rounded up a list of five simple items you can do TODAY to be the type of friend you want to have. I am a big fan of starting small (hence this newsletter idea- focusing on first just bringing joy to our Mondays vs. tackling the whole week). What if every Monday it was part of your routine to do one of the below items? That sounds easy enough, right? And I bet if you adopted that habit, you would reap the rewards of intentionally investing in your friendships.
The reward is different for everyone, but my hope is that you experience what my mom has… reconnecting with the happy, relaxed and centred version of yourself after spending time pouring into your friends.
Five Things You Can Do Today To Be The Friend You Want To Have:
- Make a list of all your friends’ birthdays. Put the dates in your calendar along with a reminder three weeks before the birthday. This way, you’ll have time to find and send a card or gift.
- Send a quick “thinking of you” text to the first friend that pops in your head on either your way to or from work every Monday.
- Start allocating a small amount of money from each paycheck to create a “girls weekend fund”. Then, when the time comes to plan the trip, you already have resources ready to go.
- Create a simple survey asking friends their favorite candy/holiday/flower etc. Send it out to your besties and have all the information you need for the next time you want to surprise and delight someone.
- Start following funny meme accounts on Instagram and tag friends in posts that remind you of them. This tip is actually one that I got from my friend Kit. It’s so simple, but it is such an easy way to let someone know you are thinking of them.
Let me know if you have other tips that help you to invest in your friends! I am always looking for new ideas and would love to hear yours. 🙂
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