In Addition to Thinking Positively, You Have To Actually “Do Positively” Too

This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 7/19/21.

If you’re like me, the thought of having to add anything else to a Monday to-do list feels overwhelming. There’s already too many things! But if you’ve been feeling like your Monday is in need of some more yay and a little less nay, then I have a to-do list suggestion that may be worthwhile. 

The idea comes from a book I just recently finished reading called Your Fully Charged Life by magazine editor and writer Meaghan B Murphy. Spanning health, work, family time, and more, the book ties together anecdotes and the latest in positive psychology research to outline a series of small changes that help you find more joy in every day. 

I love books like this because I get so many easy, actionable ideas. But the most surprising and useful tip I gleaned from Murphy’s writing was her suggestion that thinking positively isn’t enough, you must also “do positivity.” 

It reminded me of something author Gretchen Rubin wrote about in her well-known book, The Happiness Project. She suggests that although we presume that we act because of the way we feel, we often feel because of the way we act. To further describe this phenomenon, she points to a quote from philosopher and psychologist William James. Over a century ago, he said, “Action seems to follow feeling, but really action and feeling go together; and by regulating the action, which is under the more direct control of the will, we can indirectly regulate the feeling, which is not.” 

We’ve all heard how it’s proven that our brains are wired to notice and remember the bad more than the good. It’s a survival mechanism and it helped keep cave-dwelling ancestors safe in a world with many physical threats. But in today’s comparatively safe world, this biological predisposition to focus on the negative can leave us feeling drained, unhappy and low.

While we can’t change our nature and we shouldn’t ignore reality or pretend things are wonderful when they’re not, knowing that our default mode is to dwell on the negative can help us see that sometimes we have to take action first to get those good vibes going. 

Take a Monday for example: it’s easy to default to autopilot, go through the motions of the day, and get trapped by our instinct to focus on the negative. OR, we could take an additional step to intentionally pepper in some simple actions that will make us feel good throughout our day. Of course, those Monday circumstances and challenges will still be there, but at least we’ll have these little hits of happiness to help soften the edges. 

What do you think? If you’re game to experiment and see if this idea works for you, start by asking yourself how you want to feel today. Pick one feeling and then think about one small action that you could reasonably add to your to-do list today that’s in line with that feeling.

For example, if you’re wishing you felt more energized, maybe take a quick walk outside with music, wear your favorite color, or call a friend. If you want to feel more relaxed, you might read a few pages from a new book, schedule a 15-minute power nap, or treat yourself to a manicure after work. And if you want to feel more organized, maybe you’ll clear out one drawer or shelf, clean out an email inbox, or take out the trash & wipe down counters. I know for me, one of my go-to strategies for cultivating a more enjoyable Monday is finding one thing to be excited about (see question #2 in the section above each week!). I love doing this because despite whatever else happens during my Monday, I anticipate this one experience, enjoy it when it happens, and remember it when I reflect on my day.

It’s sometimes comical how small the thing I’m “excited” about is, but having something enjoyable to look forward to really does boost my mood. And I think it could do the same for you!

So, why not give this idea a try today and see if “doing positivity” (or whatever feeling you’re after!) helps you have a more enjoyable Monday. And if you try it out, I would love to hear about it! 

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