Choosing the Bigger Life
This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 7/5/21.
I hope you had a wonderful Fourth of July holiday yesterday! Hope the day was relaxing and festive and included some time with friends or family. And if you have today off as well, hope the good times continue!
I am writing to you from one of my favorite places in the entire world: my grandma’s front porch. Most of you might know this, but my grandma’s house is in a tiny town called Sharon, which is about 75 miles northwest of Pittsburgh. It’s currently a sunny, breezy 75 degrees and, even though the house has been packed to the brim with people over the past 48 hours, I’ve somehow found myself with a quiet solo moment to quickly write this week’s newsletter.
The city of Sharon and the season of summer are synonymous to me because growing up, my brothers and I would spend upwards of five (!) weeks here with my grandma. Essentially, it was our version of sleepaway camp. And it was just the best. So, traveling here during the summer always feels like a bit of a homecoming to me.
When my grandma passed away last November, we weren’t able to gather immediately for a funeral, but this past weekend, all of her family and friends were finally able to get together and pay homage to our amazing matriarch. In full transparency, I had another newsletter written in advance and ready to go today, but as I sat in the ceremony on Saturday morning and partook in the celebration of life afterparty (it was a true Irish wake), I knew I had to adjust and write about her.
What was evident to me from the events of the day, including the priest’s (who was also a co-worker of hers from her career at the Catholic high school) homily, the essay her brother wrote, the remarks from her sister-in-law, and the countless stories from the nearly 100 people who stopped by the house, was how my grandma made a profound impact on so many people. From the impact she made on me, I already knew this, but hearing about my grandma in all different stages of her life, I realized something else.
I was reminded of something I read in one of the bestselling author Gretchen Rubin’s books. When faced with a tough decision, one of her go-to strategies is to ask herself, “Which one would be the bigger life?” She goes on the write about how thinking about “choosing the bigger life” zooms us out and puts our choices into broader context. We think less about the small annoyances, and more about how our choice will contribute to greater life satisfaction.
What I took away from the stories and memories I heard this weekend was that my grandma was all about choosing the bigger life. On paper, that might sound ironic because I am talking about a lady who lived in the same small steel-mill town all her life (and even in the very same house!), but if you knew Alice Bell, this doesn’t sound ironic at all.
Many of us might believe that choosing the bigger life means chasing and getting those flashy, futile things that can so often capture our attention and maintain such a hold over us. But I think my grandma had something figured out that the rest of us didn’t. She knew choosing the bigger life didn’t require big opportunities. Instead, for her, choosing the bigger life often took place in the smallest of opportunities.
For her, choosing the bigger life was all about choosing how she treated people. No matter how small of an encounter, she chose to love big by including those who needed it, finding a way to relate with absolutely anyone, and being a safe place to land for all. And as displayed to me through the tears shed, memories shared and love expressed over the past couple days, we are all better off because of her choosing the bigger life.
Thank you, Gram, for the reminder to choose the bigger life. Thank you for the nudge to take inventory of how I’m spending my time on a day-to-day basis and if my energy is focused on things that are in line with choosing the bigger life. But above all, thank you for the way you loved me and so many. I will love you and miss you forever.
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