Thinking Negatively to Feel Happier?
This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 2/1/21.
What if you heard that in order to make progress toward a goal or a New Year’s resolution, thinking only positive thoughts could actually be hindering your efforts instead of helping?
Sounds counterintuitive, right? That’s what I thought too when I first heard about NYU Psychology Professor Gabriele Oettingen’s four-step process, pithily called “WOOP.” Drawing on her more than twenty years of research in the science of motivation, WOOP was created to help make any goal (including a New Year’s resolution) a reality.
The framework aims to combine dreams and reality by bringing positive thinking up against a visualization of the challenges. The letters in WOOP stand for:
- Wish: You formulate a wish that is close to your heart, but at the same time, feasible.
- Outcome: You identify the best outcome. What’s the best thing that would happen if you fulfill your wish?
- Obstacle: Then, you switch gears and identify your main obstacle. What external, internal or self-created obstacles could block your progress?
- Plan: Lastly, you make an “if [obstacle], then I will [action] to overcome obstacle” plan.
When I first read about this idea, I was doubtful. This goes against everything I’ve always done. Why would I put effort into thinking less about the positives and more about the negatives? What good would that do? But as I continued to read more about this “mental contrasting with implementation intentions,” as Oettingen also calls it, I became more curious.
If Oettingen’s studies have shown that children have done better at school, people have eaten better and exercised more regularly and couples have communicated better – all because of WOOP – could this framework work for me too? Given the fact that, on average, 80% of all New Year’s resolution fail by the second week of February, maybe following a counterintuitive process is just what we need to get our resolutions to stick?
For me, I thought about applying “WOOP” to a resolution I’ve never been able to follow through on… a resolution about dating and meeting new people. When it comes to thinking about the resolution, I’ve got the “wish” and “outcome” part of WOOP down. But this framework made me realize I’ve never intentionally thought about the potential obstacles I could (and likely will) encounter. I always just hope for the best. When thinking about this, I grasped what Oettingen meant when she warns against “the dangers of positive thinking.” As she says in this interview, positively visualizing wishes and outcomes “aren’t bad things at all because they are the beginning of action. But they are only the beginning. They give action the direction, but they don’t give action the necessary energy.”
Maybe this is why so many New Year’s resolutions fail. Thanks to our positive dreaming, we have the direction we want to head, but we lack the energy to deal with the inevitable obstacles in our path.
As WOOP outlines, obstacles are identified by looking inward, being honest with yourself and leaving behind excuses. Am I willing to go to sleep earlier so I can work out in the morning? Do I want to spend my weekends preparing for the GRE and applying to that graduate program? Do I have the courage and self-confidence to represent myself in a job interview?
Even though it is not inherently “joyful” to think about these things, identifying the main obstacle allows you to then formulate an if-then plan for how to overcome. If [XYZ happens or I feel XYZ], then I [will XYZ action].
This process not only helps us make progress toward achieving goals, but I think it also help us recognize which goals are actually attainable. After working through the four steps, you may realize that, at least for right now, there’s not a viable plan that’s worth overcoming the obstacle ahead and you’d rather direct energy toward a different resolution. Talk about saving yourself from emotional turmoil later on.
As I worked through “obstacle” and “plan” for my resolution about dating, I was able to pull back the excuses and identify that the biggest obstacle in my way is trepidation around the possibility of rejection. With hindsight being 2020 (can we even say that anymore?), I can see how this trepidation has prevented me from making progress previously. I visualize my wish/outcome and work up the courage to message or meet someone new. For one reason or another, if it doesn’t work out, I feel the rejection and, lacking the energy to deal with it, I throw in the towel on the resolution. After all, it’s a lot more comfortable to just daydream about the wish and outcome.
But what if I approached the situation differently this year, armed with an if-then plan? To figure out my if-then plan, I had to think about the situation objectively. When I took a step back, I was able to realize that, in the absence of the fear emotions, there’s really nothing to lose. I’ll either meet someone & make a connection (great! I’ll be one step ahead of where I am now) or I’ll meet someone & something won’t work out (that’s ok! I’ll be at the same place as I am right now). Either way, the only way to “lose” is to miss out on the opportunity altogether.
So, my formulated if-then plan became: If I feel that trepidatious feeling, then I will remind myself: give this a chance, there’s nothing to lose. I could already see how this could work!
At the end of the day, resolutions might not resonate with everyone, but if they resonate with you, maybe you’ll consider testing out this framework. We’re happiest when we’re living out our values or when we are living in such a way that we find worthy of our own respect, so I know what it feels like to be let down when a resolution doesn’t stick. I’d never thought I’d be writing this, but maybe in order to feel the happiness that comes with achieving a resolution or goal, we must first spend time thinking negatively.
With the fresh start of a new month, it’s worth a shot, right?
For more on WOOP and Professor Oettingen’s work, check out https://woopmylife.org/ and her book, Rethinking Positive Thinking: Inside the New Science of Motivation.
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