Will 2021 Be The “Year of Yes?”

This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 12/14/20.

After a year filled with so many no’s, so many postponements, so many cancellations, I wonder if 2021 will become “the year of yes” by default. Will 2021 become “the year of yes” just because we can say yes to so many things we had to say no to this year?

I mentioned last week that I was reading Shonda Rhimes’ book, Year of Yes: How to Dance It Out, Stand In the Sun and Be Your Own Person. The book was published five years ago, but I somehow just came across it. 

I finished the book this weekend and really enjoyed it. Rhimes, the brilliant writer and producer behind shows like Grey’s Anatomy, Private Practice, Scandal, How to Get Away With Murder and more, shares her story of being an introvert. Her answer to every invitation is “no” until she hears her sister call her out with a simple – but life-altering for Rhimes – phrase (“you never say yes to anything”).

The book follows Rhimes throughout the next year and a half as she says yes to everything and anything that scares and challenges her. Because it’s written by Rhimes, it’s as fun to read as her TV shows are to watch (although, I did have to get used to her writing style in the beginning). 

I feel like it’s the perfect book to read in the next couple of weeks as we cozy up at home for the holidays, reflect on the end of 2020 and get ready for 2021. It’s fun, it’s honest and it makes you think. Oh, and if you are a fan of Cristina Yang, just order the book right now and thank me later. 

What became clear throughout the book is that the life-altering phrase – “you never say yes to anything” – isn’t the full picture because of one important universal truth: every yes is a no and every no is a yes.

Sure, Rhimes was saying “no” to plenty of things, but all these things also had a “yes” flip side. As Rhimes puts it, she was saying no to herself, and yes to being an imaginary version of a “good girl.”

Every yes is a no and every no is a yes. It’s something I hadn’t thought of until reading this book. Yes to accepting a meeting at 9 a.m. tomorrow means no open time to work on a project. Yes to a happy hour invitation with coworkers/potential new friends means no to a relaxing, quiet night. Yes to eating dinner as a family means no to the last-minute work deadline. No one can say if any of these choices are any better than the other, proving that the power does not lie in either “yes” or “no.” The power lies in us using “yes” and “no” as tools to honor ourselves.  

Before reading this book, I would have thought a “year of yes experiment” meant just never saying no. But what I learned from Rhimes’ experience, is that every year is already a year of yes because we are making multiple “yeses” all day long. Saying “yes” to picking up our cell phone as soon as we wake up. “Yes” to staying quiet when we have an idea or opinion to share. “Yes” to mindlessly watching TV late at night even when we have to get up early. The question is, are we aware of what we are saying yes to and is it aligned with what we value? 

So, 2021 may become the “year of yes” by default, but what if we put a spin on it? What if 2021 is the “year of your yes?” The year when faced with a choice, we go inward and think about how we want to use our “yes/no” tools.

Of course, it won’t always be perfect and it won’t always go according to plan, but I have a good feeling about a year full of your yeses.

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