How I’m Approaching December This Year
This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 11/30/20.
When I first started my job, a mentor gave me a piece of advice and best practice to keep in mind when working with clients.
“The only time people are truly upset is when they are surprised.”
On countless occasions, this simple phrase has helped me avoid situations that otherwise could have been very tricky. It’s embolden me to do things like recommend pivoting to an Option B when Option A isn’t working out as planned and be realistic and data-driven instead of naively optimistic when setting program goals and expectations.
Said another way, in the words of the wonderful Brené Brown, “Clear is kind. Unclear is unkind.”
Over the weekend, I was reminded of this tidbit of wisdom when I read an insightful New York Times article titled Pandemic-Proof Your Habits. The article, written by Journalist Kate Murphy, focuses on people longing for their old routines during this time.
If you have the time this morning, I recommend reading the entirety of Kate’s article, but to summarize, here are a few of the passages that stood out to me:
“First, a little background on why we are such creatures of habit. Psychologists, anthropologists, neuroscientists and neurobiologists have written countless books and research papers on the topic but it all boils down to this: Human beings are prediction machines.
‘Our brains are statistical organs that are built simply to predict what will happen next,’ said Karl Friston, a professor of neuroscience at University College London. In other words, we have evolved to minimize surprise.
…So-called prediction errors (like finding salmon instead of turkey on your plate on Thanksgiving) send us into a tizzy because our brains interpret them as a potential threat.
…Our brains are literally overburdened with all the uncertainty caused by the pandemic… Things we had already figured out and relegated to the brain’s autopilot function — going to work, visiting the gym, taking the kids to school, meeting friends for dinner, grocery shopping — now require serious thought and risk analysis. As a result, we have less bandwidth available for higher order thinking: recognizing subtleties, resolving contradictions, developing creative ideas and even finding joy and meaning in life.
…The truth is that you cannot control what happens in life. But you can create a routine that gives your life a predictable rhythm and secure mooring. This frees your brain to develop perspective so you’re better able to take life’s surprises in stride.”
As I read this article, I realized that the piece of advice I received at work can apply just as well in personal settings. It’s human nature that we do not like to be surprised.It’s human nature to be upset when things don’t meet our expectations.
With the month of December beginning tomorrow, I’m focusing some time today on thinking about the expectations I have for the holiday season and the rest of 2020 in general. On a macro level, I’ve of course grasped that this December will be quite different than previous years. But, inspired by Kate’s article, I’m also challenging myself to consider if there are any “pandemic-proof” routines that I could add to my day-to-day for this last month of 2020. In anticipation of those surprises that are bound to happen in these exceptional circumstances, is there anything simple I can realistically add to foster that sense of merriment, community, joy, etc. that’s synonymous with the month of December?
For example, maybe I’ll make a list of 31 people and then reach out to one person each day in December. Maybe I’ll make it a ritual to watch a Christmas movie or walk around my neighborhood and look at lights on Wednesday nights. Maybe I’ll create a festive ambiance around my workstation and keep the area organized and joyful for this next month.
Whatever it is, I recognize this isn’t the December we expected, imagined or even wanted. But my hope is that we can all find ways to make these next 31 days the month we need to close out 2020.
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