Monday, 8/17/20: Talking about questions, listening and journaling

Happy Monday!

It’s a new week, which means it’s time for your next Monday motivation newsletter. Read on below for some steps to a happier Monday, a short story and a roundup of positive thoughts to get your week started.

Three Steps to a Happier Monday

Each newsletter starts with three prompts to inspire gratitude and simple intention setting. Take a moment and jot down answers to these three questions. To give an example, I share my answers below.  

Step 1: What are three things I appreciated from the weekend? 

Step 2: What is one thing I can be excited about today?

Step 3: What is my intention for this week? 

GRATITUDE: From my weekend, I am thankful for the time I spent catching up with a friend Friday, spending time with friends outside on Sunday and Sunday’s amazing weather!! 

TODAY: I am most excited for the catch-up phone call I have scheduled.

INTENTION: My intention this week is to be a better listener (the theme of today’s newsletter!).

Okay, your turn! And if you want to share your three steps, I am all ears. 🙂

Lesson of the Week: The Power of a Question

“He who asks a question is a fool for five minutes; he who does not ask a question remains a fool forever.”

– Chinese Proverb

Let me tell you a quick story about a fool who did not ask a question: 

When I was in Florida, my younger brother and I decided we wanted ice cream one night. So, we drove to the nearest ice cream shop and as we were about to walk in, we saw a sign that read, “Pickup and Delivery Orders Only.”

Feeling silly for not thinking to call prior to leaving home, we retreated to the car and placed the order from our phones. Fifteen minutes later, after listening to some music and walking in circles around an empty parking lot to kill time, we finally headed in to retrieve our coveted ice cream. 

As I was paying, a patron popped his head in and politely asked, “I see the sign on the door, but would it be okay if just placed an order in-person?” 

“Sure!” An employee answered cheerfully. 

My brother and I looked at each other again, feeling silly for the second time that night. 

Questions. Why do we sometimes avoid asking clarifying questions? Or, when we do converse with others, why do we play it safe with small talk questions that elicit the same four responses (good, bad, fine, okay)? 

There is a lot of power in a question. And, for the purposes of this newsletter, I think there is a powerful connection between the questions we ask and our happiness.

Specifically, I think paying attention to the questions we ask can have a positive impact on our happiness in three ways: 

First, paying attention to the questions we ask can make us better listeners. Being a better listener can lead to deeper and more meaningful relationships. And since relationships are such a big part of overall happiness, happiness can improve as a result of more fulfilling relationships. 

When in a conversation, I’m embarrassed to admit that my first instinct is to focus less on what someone is saying and more on what I am going to say next. Yuck. Who wants to be the person who does that?! 

Recently, I heard something about how to be a better listener that stuck with me. On a podcast, former monk and motivational speaker Jay Shetty said that the key to being a better listener is to ask more interesting questions. According to Jay, many of us are asking questions about things that we likely already know the answer to, so it’s no wonder why we aren’t as interested in the response. 

It sounds like an easy concept, right? Change up the questions and become more curious and invested in the conversation as a result. So, what are some good thought-provoking questions to ask? Check out the “On My Monday Radar” section for some inspiration. 🙂

Second, questions keep us from making assumptions and holding onto inaccurate information. The ice cream story above is a simple and funny example of this. But let’s apply it to something more serious. How many of us do this same thing in relationships, at work or in other everyday life situations? Before we know it, we have a whole narrative drafted up that isn’t even grounded in reality!

Brene Brown teaches on this a lot. In her research, she’s found that people dislike uncertainty so much that they would rather make up stories that are a false-reality than ask the questions that will lead us to truth or hard work. We pretend and avoid rather than confront. (Sounds right to me!)

To combat this, Brene provides us with a simple question to ask ourselves: “What is the story I’m telling myself?” Asking yourself this question and examining the answer (by yourself or with a loved one) can be a great way to unravel your narrative and discern facts from fiction. 

Third, questions can help us become more in tune with ourselves. In addition to relationships, knowing ourselves (what matters to us, what we enjoy, what we value, etc.) is a crucial component of happiness. But when was the last time you thought about being a better listener to yourself? 

Just as we ask others simple questions and skip ahead quickly to whatever is next, a lot of us probably do the same thing to ourselves. Changing the way we check in on ourselves and the questions we ask may be just what we need to unveil and process some new feelings and thoughts we didn’t know we were holding onto. 

For me, a way to tap into listening to myself is through journaling. Right now, my journaling routine includes a quick gratitude practice and some free writing. When I do this, I feel like I am downloading and emptying out all the random thoughts floating around in my head. It is such a release! Some days I’m eager to write a lot and some days all I want to do is write a few bullet points. I just ask myself, “what is on your mind today?” I don’t judge myself or enforce any rules or parameters. One day last week I even just wrote down one sentence that simply said, “I don’t feel like thinking about my thoughts right now.” Lol. 

If you are interested in trying out journaling as a way to connect/listen to yourself, think about what questions feel most interesting to you. Maybe it’s asking yourself what you are grateful for that day or asking yourself the three questions from the beginning of the newsletter. It can be anything! I remember reading in her book Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy that what worked best for Sheryl Sandberg was writing down three things she did well that day. She found it helpful to take a quick beat every night, check in with herself and celebrate her successes instead of dwelling on what was going wrong.

So, yes, asking questions comes with a bit of uncertainty that can be scary and make us uncomfortable. But I think if we’ve learned anything during this year, it’s that we all can be resilient and survive in the face of uncertainty. So, this week I challenge you to be brave, pay attention to the questions you are asking and see what happens. You’ve got this!  

On My Monday Radar

Sometimes we just aren’t ready to jump into our Monday to-do list right away. In case you want some content to procrastinate with, here is a roundup of a few positive things on my radar:  

• The “36 Questions That Lead to Love.” On Saturday, I decided “questions” would be the theme of this week’s newsletter and then, that same day, I heard about the New York Times’ 36 Questions That Lead to Love three separate times (seriously!). I had never heard of the concept before, but I looked into it and was instantly intrigued. Personally, I think these questions could be a great way to deepen any relationship, not just romantic ones. (After all, I can’t really imagine bringing these out on a first date.) I love the idea of going through some of these questions with friends or using the questions as journal prompts to get to know yourself better. 
• If 36 questions sounds like too much, check out these nine. This episode is from the popular podcast called On Purpose with Jay Shetty. I mentioned Jay above as he is the one who said asking interesting questions is key to becoming a better listener. In this episode, Jay shares his own take on the NYT 36 Questions and provides his audience with nine suggested questions to ask yourself, your partner, a friend, etc. 
• This roundup includes great ideas for self-reflection questions or journaling prompts. I loved this roundup that Carly did. I thought she gave a great overview of different apps, books and technology that offer daily intentions, positivity and motivational quotes. If you are looking for a ritual to add to your day, I suggest checking one of these out. And maybe you will find that the daily check-in can also serve as a time to ask yourself a quick question, and if you are so included, journal your response. After reading Carly’s post, I (like her) downloaded The Storyteller App by Morgan Harper Nichols. I am doing the seven-day free trail and am really enjoying it so far!
• Loved Kelly’s episode on Freckled Foodie and Friends! I have really been enjoying Cameron Rogers’ Freckled Foodie and Friends podcast and I was pleasantly surprised when I saw nutritionist Kelly Leveque (@bewellbykelly) was a guest this past week. I just love everything about Kelly’s message/approach to food and I was SO excited to hear about the positivity journal she is coming out with at the end of this year! Can’t wait!  

That’s all for today! I hope you found something in today’s newsletter that sparked motivation, made you smile or inspired a positive Monday thought. Don’t underestimate the power of starting small… a fulfilling week starts with just one fulfilling day. You’ve got this! 

Let’s make it a great Monday!
Megan

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