What I Would’ve Done Differently On a First Date
This essay first appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 10/28/19.
Last week I went on a date. It was admittedly my first date in a while so I was pretty nervous. I think of myself as a confident person, so I was really surprised when I found myself having negative self talk about not knowing more about things I perceived would contribute to some “cool girl” persona I was trying to put out there.
For example, when asked what movies or TV shows I was watching, I felt a tinge of insecurity because I didn’t have a “good” answer. The truth is I love my fair share of Bravo reality TV shows, but I have recently found myself more likely to listen to a podcast while I do a task around my apartment or read or work on creating this newsletter. These are all MORE THAN OKAY answers, and now in a reflection mode, I see these answers are actually more interesting than mentioning just another TV show.
However, what I decided to do in the moment was fake it, smile and nod. He was asking me about a list of TV shows and I got tired of saying “oh, I haven’t seen that one” so when he mentioned a show that I had at least heard of, I nodded, smiled and replied with a “oh, of course! Love that show.” I felt cool for a second…until the next question.
“I know right! Who’s your favorite character?”
Cringe. I had to confess that while I had seen the show and, quote, unquote, “loved” it, I didn’t actually pay close enough attention to know the characters name. Infinitely more awkward than just speaking truth from the beginning!
I reflected on this after the date had ended and felt thankful for the interaction. I made a promise to myself that, even when uncomfortable, I didn’t want to be the “smile and nod girl.” I want to own what’s unique about me and share it with others in the hopes they do the same with me.
I feel it’s important to caveat that honoring who I am doesn’t mean being rude. When he wanted to talk about movies or TV shows, it doesn’t mean I should demand we change the subject to something that is catered to my interests. But how much better would it have been if I had instead said, “you know, I haven’t seen any TV shows or movies that I liked that much recently. Do you have any suggestions?” And then, at another point in the conversation, ask him if he listened to podcasts or whatever topic I felt like I could contribute interesting information. SO MUCH BETTER!
Just something to think about as we start our Mondays and set the intention for the week. I have a few different get-togethers this week and I am really excited to put my intention of “Being Megan” to use. We will see how it goes 🙂
Do you have a lesson from last week? I would love to hear about it!
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