Challenging, Improving, Working

This essay originally appeared in the Monday morning newsletter on 10/3/22.

Hi! It’s been a minute.  How are you this Monday?

I ended up taking an unplanned hiatus from writing this newsletter last month. It was needed, but wow, it feels really good to be writing again.

Going into the month, I knew September would be busy, but I underestimated just how much energy would be required. Between a challenging project at work and weekends filled with plans I’d been looking forward to for a while, I felt like I was continually oscillating between extremes: mentally-taxing work weeks… followed by really fun – but also really tiring! – weekends. I had to let something drop to get through, and that something ended up being this newsletter. I’ve missed this though!

When feeling overextended and stressed, I struggle to look on the bright side and appreciate what is going well. When a few things are hard, it’s all too easy to think everything is hard.

Recently, I came across this blog post and was interested by the reflection the author mentioned. In an effort to work on her perspective, she made a list of what’s challenging, improving and working. Taking a step back to be more precise about what’s hard and, importantly, what’s not hard, helped her stop globalizing.
 
I knew I needed to do something like this for myself, and the start of a new month this weekend felt like a perfect opportunity. I liked the simplicity of the reflection and how it didn’t ignore the challenges, but also prompted you to think about what was improving and going well, too.  

For me, articulating my biggest challenges helped bring some clarity, so I wanted to share it with you this morning as well. Feels like a great activity for the first Monday of the month 

Let me know if you give it a try!

Challenging
+ Not enough free, open recharge time. It feels funny to write that down as someone who lives alone and doesn’t have kids. But it does feel like something I’m lacking and need to get a handle on. Right now, when I do have those free, open pockets of time, I feel so bogged down by the mental “clutter” running on loop in my head that I’m frantically jumping to little, urgent things instead of what I really need: time to recharge. I can feel myself feeling distracted and out-of-touch. I haven’t been the best daughter, sister, friend, volunteer this past month. And that doesn’t feel great. 

• How to improve: I actually just started listening to Cassie Holmes’ Happier Hour: How to Beat Distraction, Expand Your Time, and Focus on What Matters Most and it’s speaking to my soul. In the first chapter, she talked about a study she conducted related to how much free time we “think” we need. What she found was that two to five hours of free time in a day is ideal for happiness. Having less than two hours of free time a day decreased happiness. Interestingly (to me), having more than five hours of free time a day also decreased happiness. (Btw, non-free time doesn’t just mean paid work… it can also refer to volunteering, family commitments, things that are giving you a sense of purpose) I thought it was good perspective. I definitely think those two hours of free time already exist in my day (what comes to mind: the time when I first wake up, my workout time, and the time before bed). But the difference I want to make moving forward is really seizing those moments and registering that I’m experiencing that free, open time to recharge. With a handle on that, I think I’ll feel more able to invest in the other things, like investing in my relationships, in my career and in my community. 

+ Figuring out my newsletter writing routine. In August, I was in a great rhythm of dedicating early Monday mornings to writing a first draft of the next week’s newsletter. Drafting in advance allowed me to reflect on the topic throughout the week and finish editing over the weekend. It flowed very nicely. When I had to re-allocate that Monday morning time in September, I let the ritual fall aside, becoming a stressor rather than something I really enjoy and find purpose in doing.  

• How to improve: I know my ideal rhythm is to enter into the weekend with a rough draft of the newsletter for Monday. I love writing, but even more than that, I love editing… playing around with sentence structure, the flow of information and connecting ideas. With this in mind, I want to focus on picking a weekday morning each week to write that first draft. It doesn’t have to be the same day every week, but I’ll pick it out when I’m planning my week over the weekend and protect the time fiercely. We’ll see how it goes.  

Improving
+ The challenging project at work. This past week at work was a good one. I felt the challenging project improving and really felt the support of my team members. I’m hopeful things will continue to trend in this direction. I also think I’m doing a better job of managing my expectations and asking for what I need. Need to continue to do that as well.  

+ Fresh start of a new month. I know there is nothing inherently special about the start of the new month, but I can’t deny feeling a sense of potential and some momentum around a calendar change. Leaving September behind and welcoming the feeling of a new month with open arms. Yay October!  

+ Reading life. I didn’t read much in September (I turn away from reading when stressed), but we are getting back on track! It felt great to read, enjoy and finish Taylor Jenkins Reid’s Carrie Soto is Back this past week, and I’m listening to Cassie Holmes’ Happier Hour (as mentioned above). Think I will get a lot out of it.

Working
+ Special experiences with friends. In the past month, I’ve been lucky enough to enjoy a visit from my brothers, a Notre Dame football game, a wedding in Nashville and couple days in Indianapolis, and visiting an apple orchard/pumpkin patch this past weekend with friends. While it was a lot in the span of a month, I was lucky to have such fun experiences as antidotes to stressful work weeks.

+ Running. Running in one of my biggest stress relievers, so I am thankful I’ve been able to rely on it this past month (ideal weather conditions, easy access to a running loop with beautiful sights, no injury-related pain).

+ Chicago in the fall. I always get sad saying goodbye to summer, but Chicago in the fall is also quite magical. The shorter days, crisp air, cozy clothes paired with college football on the TV and chili on the stove … amazing! Definitely need to create my fall fun list and soak up this short season.

+ Matt.  I like to keep some things more private, but when I think about what’s going well, Matt comes to mind first, so I wanted to mention him. I don’t know what I would’ve done without our daily “decompression walks” post-work, his willingness to listen, ability to offer great perspective and the quality time we spent together that always filled me up. Feeling lucky 

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