I’ve had a lot on my mind lately! Between a weekend back in Chicago, Ben turning one and the usual busyness of everyday life, I’ve found myself thinking a lot about time, the different chapters of life and how I spend my days.
I haven’t quite figured out what to make of all these thoughts yet. But that’s one of the things I love about writing this newsletter. Writing is typically how I figure out what I think!
So today, rather than waiting until I have some profound takeaway, I thought I’d share a few of these thoughts while they’re still in progress.
Being back in Chicago
I spent the past weekend in Chicago, where I lived from 2016–2025. It was SO wonderful to be back and the perfect mix of time with dear, dear friends, visits to familiar places and some solo recharge time, too. There are so many people I love in Chicago, and one weekend is never enough time to see everyone! Already looking forward to my next visit.
And for the first time in over a year, I had a few days where I wasn’t primarily in “mom mode.” I could catch up with friends, explore the city and spend time on my own schedule. It felt really good to reconnect with that part of myself. (A big thank you to Matt for holding down the fort with Ben so I could have this time away!)
Chicago holds such a special place in my heart! So, so many big life moments happened there, and I grew so much personally and professionally during those years. It feels like every street holds a memory. And I was surprised by how easily I could slip right back into my old routines. When out to dinner with friends, I’d catch myself thinking about heading back to my apartment later that night, only to remember I don’t live there anymore.
Being back makes me feel so grateful for that chapter of my life, but also a little sad that it’s over.
And I say that while also feeling so happy with where I am now! I love my family, our home and the routines we’ve established. So much of what fills my days now is what I once dreamed about.
I think it’s more that being back reconnects me with a chapter of my life that I loved, and there’s a bittersweetness in knowing I can’t go back to it. I can’t be in both chapters at once.
It all makes me aware of how quickly life moves. All those ordinary days I spent living there – commuting to work, walking along the lakefront, running errands in Lincoln Park – have become memories I now treasure.
Trying to find a rhythm
Being back in Chicago also made me really realize how different my day-to-day life looks now.
Maybe the comparison is a little too on the nose, but walking around surrounded by skyscrapers, crowds of people and all the sounds of the city made me realize how much smaller my world feels these days.
And I don’t necessarily mean that in a bad way! (“Little” is my word of the year after all!)
My life certainly feels fuller than before – but it does feel smaller.
I think it’s natural when you have a baby for your worldview to shrink. At first, you’re living minute to minute, then day to day, then week to week. So much of your time and attention is focused on this little person, and there’s something really beautiful about that.
However, being back in Chicago made me realize that I might be ready for my world to expand a little again.
And I think it connects to something else I’ve been thinking about: busyness.
When writing recently about working mom reflections, I mentioned still trying to find my rhythm with keeping up with things around the house. I feel really good about the balance I’ve established between work and being a mom, but I haven’t quite figured out where everything else fits.
I recently took a day off work and used it as a personal admin day. I couldn’t believe I could fill an entire workday with errands, household tasks and all the little things that need to get done! And I kept thinking, how am I supposed to keep up with all of this during a normal week, while also working full-time and raising a one-year-old?
Before Ben, I felt like I had a pretty good rhythm for managing our home, running errands and making time for other parts of my life. Of course, having a baby changes everything! But I don’t think I’ve fully recalibrated my expectations for what I can realistically accomplish in this season.
And what I’m starting to realize is I think my “smaller world” has also influenced how I choose to spend the time I do have.
When I have a free hour or a little pocket of time between work and being with Ben, I tend to fill it with something around the house. Laundry, cleaning, organizing, checking something off my list. Those things are right in front of me, they’re easy to fit into smaller windows of time, and honestly, I enjoy a lot of them!
But somewhere along the way, some of the bigger things – spending time with friends, pursuing personal interests, doing things outside my everyday routine – have fallen away more than I realized. And those are the things that make my world feel bigger and help me feel like me.
I think that’s really the tension I’ve been feeling with busyness: It’s not just that I want to get through my to-do list. I want to make sure I’m not so consumed by the little things that I lose sight of the bigger things.
I’m not quite sure what the answer is yet. But I’m realizing that finding my rhythm in this chapter of life isn’t just about figuring out how to get everything done. It’s also about making sure I’m creating room for the things that make me feel like myself.
Feeling nostalgic for the present
While I’ve been thinking about what I want to make more room for in this chapter of life, I’ve also been thinking about all the little things I want to hold onto.
Ben turned one earlier this month, and I can’t believe how much he’s changed in just a year!
Sometimes I feel almost nostalgic for the present, as funny as that might sound. I know that someday I’ll look back on these ordinary days with Ben and wish I could revisit them, just as I sometimes wish I could revisit my years in Chicago.
So I’ve been trying to make a point of writing down the little things I want to remember about Ben right now:
+ The way he’ll urgently crawl over and thrust his arms up into the air, wanting to be picked up. I can’t say no to that!
+ The word he most consistently says right now is “mama” (my heart!), but still, he communicates volumes! He’ll move his head or gesture toward something he wants, and it’s amazing how much he can say without words.
+ How easily he laughs. I hope he never loses that!
+ How he always crosses his little ankles when he’s sitting.
+ His newest tricks: clapping and clinking his sippy cup against your glass to say “cheers.”
+ How much I love seeing both Matt and me in him. He loves playing with and throwing baseballs, but he’ll also happily sit and flip through a board book.
+ How he’s go, go, go most of the day, but will slow down for cuddles when he first wakes up in the morning or from a nap.
I know there will be so many more versions of Ben to love, but I already know I’m going to miss this one. And as much as I wish I could bottle up this stage forever, I can’t wait to see who he becomes.
As I’ve been writing this all out, I think there actually is a common thread here. Something about how quickly life changes, appreciating where you are and making room for the things that matter to you along the way.
I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m enjoying thinking it through.
I’d love to hear if any of this resonates with you, or if you have any thoughts to add! Sometimes the best part of sharing what’s on my mind is hearing how others are thinking about these things, too.
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